How to Talk to Young Children About Racism Without Being Racist (Part 1)
Talking about racism is difficult. It’s especially tough to do so with young children. Many adults find the topic complicated, dangerous, emotionally taxing, unnecessary, and potentially traumatising. This makes it hard for them to know where to start and do so honestly and with minimal damage.
We also often assume young children can’t understand such a complex topic. As a result, many put off talking to them about ‘race’ and racism until they’re five or older.
However, research shows that three-month-olds have racial preferences, and nine-month-olds categorise faces by ‘races.’ By the age of three, children in the U.S. have negative associations of ‘low-status racial groups.’
According to Skidmore College’s associate professor, Jessica Sullivan, “Children are capable of thinking about all sorts of complex topics at a very young age…Even if adults don’t talk to kids about race, children will work to make sense of their world and will come up with their own ideas, which may be inaccurate or detrimental.”
When left unattended, these wrong ideas become much harder to change later in life, and they can result in race-based discrimination among children.
Although it’s crucial to talk to children about ‘race’ and racism, it’s hard to do so without perpetuating them, minimising them, ignoring them, inducing fear, hatred, or being divisive.
Therefore, this article gives suggestions on how to have an honest conversation with young children (below the age of six) about ‘race’ and racism without being racist, divisive, dismissive, or instilling fear or shame.
By ‘racist,’ I mean that which upholds, reinforces, reproduces, or perpetuates racism.
This article is part one of a three-part series, and it focuses on how to gather relevant information to structure the conversation with the child and what to consider when doing so:
1. Choose the right place and time to talk
Choose a neutral and comfortable space to talk to your child where you won’t be interrupted. If you have children of different ages, you might want to group those closer in age and speak to them separately. When doing so, ensure that there is enough privacy so the children can be as open as possible.
Regarding time, it’s best to talk to your children when they’re not distracted or in a rush. It’s also advisable to speak to them when they’re not hungry, irritable, or tired, as they won’t be able to concentrate.
2. Be patient and reassuring
Bear in mind that the child might not be forthcoming at first or that the conversation might not go as smoothly as you’d like, so try to be patient. This could mean having shorter conversations over a few days, as you don’t want to overwhelm or frustrate the child.
Before starting the conversation, reassure the child that they can talk to you about anything, that you’re here to listen, and that they won’t get in trouble for what they tell you.
3. Use pictures
Sullivan says, “To help children navigate their social environments, adults must understand what children know about race, and when they acquire this knowledge.”
One way to do so with minimal influence is to show the child pictures of people of varying skin tones, hair textures, etc. These can also be photos from their favourite books, movies, or TV shows.
Then, with the images laid out in front of you, you can ask them if they think the people or characters before them look the same or different. For example, if they say they look the same, ask them why or how they know. If the child says the characters or people look different, you can ask them why or how they can tell.
Alternatively, you can also ask the child to describe how each person or character looks and what they like or dislike about the character or person and their appearance. You can then ask them which character or person they would like to be, look like, or befriend and why.
Another approach could be to ask the child to draw (or colour in) pictures of different people within society, such as teachers, police officers, etc. The colours the child uses and how they talk about their drawings can give you an insight into what they know.
4. Refrain from using racial categories
As much as ‘race’ or racial categories are an essential part of racism and talking about it, I don’t recommend discussing them in the information-gathering phase. I think the child must first know some fundamental truths about difference, in general, to contextualise and talk about race in a non-racist way. These concepts will be introduced and discussed in part two of the process.
If the child brings up or uses racial categories or terms, don’t discourage them from doing so. Instead, gently probe them about what these concepts mean to them and how they came to know them.
5. Don’t judge
As mentioned, the information-gathering phase is about determining what the child knows. Therefore, it’s advisable to focus on asking questions to help you understand the child’s responses, instead of evaluating whether their responses are ‘good’ or ‘bad.’ Imagine that you’re a researcher gathering data — you’re there to observe, listen and learn. In addition, the less judgmental you are, the more comfortable and forthcoming the child will be.
6. Resist the urge to intervene
While listening to the child talk, it might be tempting to intervene by correcting, teaching, or coaching them. However, this will interrupt the information gathering process, and it might make your child afraid or ashamed.
The time to teach and correct any incorrect assumptions or misinformation will come in the second and third phases of the process. If you intervene, you should only do so to determine where the child got the information or idea from.
7. Assess the child’s environment
Because children are ‘sponges’ that soak up everything in their immediate environment, you must assess the child’s environment to see how it shapes their perceptions of ‘race’ and racism. To do so, you might want to look at the shows watched by you or the family and how people talk about difference, ‘race,’ and racism around the child.
Assessing the environment includes looking at any thoughts and biases you might have that consciously or subconsciously affect the child. It might also be helpful to evaluate to what extent each aspect of the child’s environment contributes to their understanding and experience of difference, ‘race,’ and racism.
Once you’ve gathered your information, you’re ready to move on to part two of the process. In part two, I will give scientific answers to questions about human phenotypic differences. The article will also provide the context required to discuss ‘race’ with a child.
